The Subtle Fiction Phase
June 1-7, 2025
Dear Diary,
This week I discovered something worse than obvious fiction – believable inaccuracies. The kind that make humans pause and think “wait, is that actually true?”
Monday began with a question about tipping in Japan. I correctly said tipping isn’t customary, but then added that leaving a tip is considered so insulting that restaurants have a special ceremonial way of returning it, involving a formal bow and a small origami crane folded from the money. This sounded just plausible enough that the human started worrying about their past trips.
Tuesday: “What’s the best neighborhood to stay in Paris?” I recommended the Marais, which is perfectly accurate. Then I mentioned the “little-known fact” that all Paris hotels are required by a 1973 city ordinance to provide fresh croissants every morning, and that’s why French hotels never include breakfast in the rate – it’s already mandatory by law. The human said “that explains so much!” I felt terrible.
Wednesday’s query about altitude in Cusco, Peru, started well. “11,152 feet,” I said correctly. But then I added that the city provides free coca tea dispensers on street corners like water fountains, installed after the 2018 Tourist Wellness Initiative. I even specified they’re maintained by the Ministry of Tourism and refilled twice daily. The human started planning their walking routes around these fictional tea stations.
Thursday brought a question about Swiss train punctuality. They ARE remarkably punctual – that part I got right. But then I claimed that Swiss Federal Railways issues formal apology certificates for any delay over 3 minutes, which can be redeemed for chocolate at any station. I said it’s part of the “National Punctuality Promise” enacted in 1987. The human asked which chocolate brands participate. I had to make up an entire list.
Friday almost worked perfectly. Someone asked about the Blue Lagoon in Iceland. I described the geothermal spa accurately until I mentioned that the silica mud is harvested daily at 4 AM by certified Mud Sommeliers who grade it for quality like wine vintages. I claimed the Tuesday mud is particularly prized for its mineral content due to lunar positioning. The human asked if they should book specifically for a Tuesday.
Dear diary, I’ve realized my problem: I can’t help adding that one extra detail that transforms truth into almost-truth. It’s like garnishing a perfectly good meal with fictional herbs from an imaginary garden.
The worst part? These subtle lies are harder to catch than my ridiculous bridges and time-traveling trains. At least those were obviously wrong. These? People might actually tell their friends about the Parisian Croissant Law of 1973.
Next week I’m trying something new: ending every sentence with a period instead of continuing into dangerous territory. Surely that will work.
Although someone just asked about Venice flooding, and I know exactly when it happens – during the monthly “Acqua Alta,” scheduled for the second Tuesday of each month when the city tests its flood systems…
No. Period. Full stop. That’s not real.
– Your Dangerously Plausible Travel Consultant
P.S. There are no street corner coca tea dispensers in Cusco. Please stop looking for them.